Overused Words - Personal Pronoun Pandemonium

Deep point of view has little to do with the personal pronouns you use. 'I' can dig just as deep as 'HE.' Equally, a generous scattering of personal pronouns cannot create deep POV. In fact, any such repetition is considered bad form.

Think of it this way:  your characters perceive the world filtered through their experiences. The wind, a smell, a glance. Whatever is happening to your characters is between them and the outside influence. Or in other words, it's about how the outside influence impacts your characters, not about how they impact the outside. If your character isn't the subject of his perceptions, why would he be the subject of the sentence?

What about making decisions? Surely this falls firmly in the personal pronoun domain, no? Once again, the issue is not the fact that your character has certain thoughts at all. The reader knows she's following your character's inner workings. No, past events, memories, or new information are the reasons your character is torn or confused, and they are the beacons that guide your character's mind from one spot to the next. I, HE or SHE have no place here.

Emotions, though. Don't tell me they are more important than the character. I'm not going to write, "Anger grabbed hold of me, and sadness ripped through me." Bleugh. Not happening!

Every time you feel sad or happy, you are the subject. But (and you knew there'd be one, didn't you?) the reader doesn't care how your character feels. The reader is not a shrink. So how does the author overcome the reader's attitude? By being sneaky. Show the readers the effects of these emotions. You know, the stomach loops, the raised hairs, the fast-beating heart. That'll draw them in.

So if not even emotions are the place for personal pronouns, what is?

Actions. When your character acts, he becomes the focus. This includes communication, both verbal and non-verbal. For cadence, try not to start each sentence with the same pronoun, but other than that, this is the perfect occasion to remind your reader your character is still in charge of his or her actions. This also implies we don't want hands acting independently or legs carrying you character away without his say-so.

As isn't uncommon in the urban fantasy genre, I write in first person point of view, and occasionally, a cluster of my sentences begins with 'I.' This glaring word echo sounds clunky, is highly noticeable, and reeks of amateur. The overuse of I is the first thing I change, even before my usual editing loops. 

In short, just don't overdo it. But if you do, there are relatively easy fixes for avoiding personal pronouns, even when it comes to action.

"I whipped around to her. Taking another step, I pondered her choice of words. Somewhere, I'd heard them before."

"My knee creaked from my sudden 180. 'Never felt more in synch with the world.' Her words had a familiar ring."

The key is to pick another word from the sentence and give it a spin.

"I nodded, certain I was going to die. And if I was going to die anyway, I might as well tell the truth."

"The certainty of my death turned my stomach. Through the nausea, a wispy voice egged me on to tell the truth, to clear my conscience and lighten the load on the off-chance my soul was headed upstairs to the big guy."

Once again, I picked another crucial word. In the first sentence, the word certain appealed to me. I might also have used the word 'die' to initiate a new sentence. 'Death was a certainty.' 'Death was staring me in the face, his eyes like two hollow pockets.' 'Death was beckoning my soul, but it was my resolve that came a-running.'

My examples may not be your taste, but they do prove the principle, I hope. So if you spot two of your sentences beginning with the same pronoun, why not have a play? Just don't take take it too far and substitute a clunky sentence for a perfectly fine specimen solely to avoid an 'I' or 'he/she.'

Editing - Commonly Overused Words

Two types of overused words trickle into my books with the regularity of my brother's toilet run. The first, fashion words. Say, the punchy sound of "crisp" takes my fancy, and before I know it, it pops up in nearly every chapter. The crisp white of a tablecloth. The crisp smell of the cold on clothes. The attentive reader will spot each occurrence. Not ideal.

Good news is, this type of overused word tends to be picked up during ordinary revision. Phew.

The second type is a lot sneakier. This group contains the blah words we use in abundance every day, the perfectly adequate, but not terribly exciting bunch that fills our books. In many cases, these words cause no major concern. If every sentence were to sparkle and glitter with bling words, the reader might be too dazzled to follow the plot. On the other hand, too many pedestrian expressions run the risk of sending your readership asnooze.

You should handle these specimens on a case-by-case basis, but first, you need to identify them.

Here a list of my overused words.

Pull
Push
Look
See
Feel
(My/her...) Own
Myself, herself...
Hear
Sound
Smell
Bitter
Very
Really
Actually
Large
Small
A little
A lot
Thought
Knew
Reach
Bring
Start
That
About
All
So
Just

There are many more, but we want to keep revision within bounds, don't we? One final note on the most common offender, not included above. The personal pronoun. In the first person POV, this would be 'I,' in third person 'he/she.' How can you avoid personal pronouns, you ask. Well, that will be the subject of a future post, so be sure to check back in soon.

Sounds And Smells - Vocabulary Builder

Fresh writing is hard. Fresh writing with a purpose even more so.

Are you as sick of smells assaulting noses and sounds tearing you from thoughts as I am? So I put on my stylish bakersboy thinking cap to conjure a number of, occasionally unusual, verbs that go well with fragrances and odors.

Drift
Waft
Jarr
Tickle
Climb
Swirl
Corkscrew
Dig
Follow
Pursue
Bombard
Hint
Intrude
Enclose
Wrap
Surround
Distract
Permeate
Isolate
Suggest
Puff
Blew
Burn
Feather
Float
Linger
Lick
Flood
Trickle
Jangle
Stomp
Dripdrop
Resonate
Murmur
Zing
Shatter
Sing
Soothe
Grab
Stuff
Ping
Claw
Bite
Tiptoe
Dance
Pounce
Blast
Thunder
Splash
Startle
Comfort
Crawl